Explore how society shapes masculine identity and why modern men are challenging traditional gender norms. When I first started thinking seriously about masculinity, I was probably around twenty-three and sitting in a coffee shop watching a father struggle to calm his crying toddler. What struck me was not the crying itself but the visible discomfort on the man’s face as other people began to stare. He seemed almost apologetic about the whole situation, as if showing tenderness in public was somehow a failing. That moment stayed with me and eventually led me down a rabbit hole of understanding how society shapes our ideas about what men should and should not be.

The sociology of masculinity examines exactly these kinds of moments. It looks at how cultural expectations, social institutions, and historical contexts create and maintain ideas about manhood. We often think of masculinity as something natural or biological, but sociologists have spent decades showing us that much of what we consider masculine is actually learned behavior shaped by the world around us.

Growing up, I absorbed messages about masculinity from everywhere. Television shows taught me that real men did not cry unless someone died, and even then, only a single tear was acceptable. Sports culture reinforced the idea that physical dominance and competition were central to male identity. My own father, a good man by any measure, rarely talked about his feelings and seemed genuinely uncomfortable when I tried to discuss mine. None of this felt oppressive at the time because it was simply how things were. But looking back through a sociological lens, I can see how these patterns were not inevitable or natural. They were constructed.

The concept of hegemonic masculinity helps explain what was happening. Coined by sociologist Raewyn Connell, hegemonic masculinity refers to the culturally dominant form of masculinity that other forms are measured against. This ideal version of manhood typically includes traits like emotional stoicism, physical strength, financial success, and heterosexuality. Most men cannot actually live up to this standard, yet it remains powerful because it shapes how men evaluate themselves and each other. The father in the coffee shop was likely measuring himself against this invisible standard and finding himself wanting.

What makes the sociology of masculinity so fascinating is that it reveals how these standards change across time and place. The Victorian gentleman who wrote poetry and wept openly at the theater would seem oddly feminine by mid-twentieth-century American standards. Meanwhile, masculine ideals in Japan differ significantly from those in Brazil or Nigeria. This variation proves that masculinity is not hardwired into male biology but is instead a social construction that shifts based on cultural context.

Social institutions play an enormous role in maintaining and reproducing masculine norms. Schools often socialize boys differently from girls, encouraging competition and discouraging emotional expression. Workplaces reward traditionally masculine traits like assertiveness and dominance while penalizing behaviors coded as feminine. The military represents perhaps the ultimate institution for producing a particular kind of masculinity, one built on hierarchy, physical prowess, and emotional control. I remember my cousin returning from basic training completely transformed, speaking differently and carrying himself with a rigid intensity that seemed both impressive and slightly alarming.

But here is where things get interesting. The sociology of masculinity also examines how men resist and reshape these norms. Not every man wants to fit the mold, and throughout history, men have pushed back against restrictive definitions of manhood. The contemporary movement encouraging men to discuss mental health represents one form of resistance to traditional masculine norms that stigmatize emotional vulnerability. Fathers who prioritize caregiving over career advancement challenge the idea that breadwinning defines male worth.

Social media has accelerated conversations about toxic masculinity, a term referring to harmful expressions of manhood that damage both men and those around them. While the phrase sometimes generates defensive reactions, it points to real problems. When masculine norms encourage violence, risk-taking, or the suppression of emotions, men suffer. Suicide rates among men significantly exceed those among women in most countries. Men are less likely to seek medical care or admit when they need help. These patterns emerge not from biology but from social expectations about how men should behave.

I think often about what a healthier model of masculinity might look like. The sociology of masculinity does not suggest that men should abandon all traditionally masculine traits or that masculinity itself is inherently problematic. Rather, it argues for expanding the range of acceptable ways to be male. Men should be able to express emotions without shame, pursue caregiving roles without stigma, and define success on their own terms rather than according to some outdated script.​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Reference

Connell, R.W. (1995). Masculinities. Berkeley: University of California Press.

Connell, R. W., & Messerschmidt, J. W. (2005). Hegemonic masculinity: Rethinking the concept. Gender & Society, 19(6), 829–859. https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243205278639

Kimmel, M. S. (2008). Guyland: The perilous world where boys become men. HarperCollins Publishers.